Heartbreaker
by leonsalanna
Summary: Rose talks to Jack about what it is like to love the doctor.


Title: Heartbreaker  
Author: leonsalanna  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Doctor, the Tardis, or anything. I don't even own a sonic screwdriver, but I'm hoping Christmas can change that.

If you think about it, it must be hard for Rose to love the Doctor knowing that she will always be just his companion. I wanted to find a fic about this, but couldn't. So I wrote one instead. (If you know of any, recommend them!) If I got anything about Rose wrong in here, let me know and I'll try to fix it.

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"_You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on, alone. That's the curse of the Timelords._

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"Now." The Doctor stood in the doorway of the TARDIS, sternly observing his companions. Little silver buggies could be seen zipping down the ice road behind him. "Please try to stay put. Or at least don't cause any interplanetary incidents. Especially you!" he emphasized, looking pointedly at Jack, who grinned innocently back. "I shouldn't be gone long, there's radio shops all over this area and any one should have the whizhammer I'm looking for."

He turned towards the street and Jack called out, "Come back soon, or I shall pine!"

The Doctor turned around with raised eyebrows. "If you're pining, I'm sure the TARDIS will have a nice room for you to root in until I get back." He turned again and the door swung shut behind him.

Rose laughed and swatted Jack's shoulder. "Listen to you flirt. And listen to 'im flirting right back!" She sat down on the bench next to Jack and let it settle to accomadate the extra weight.

"What can I say? Something about the air in this old box makes everyone so irresistible," he replied with a lusty wink.

Rose laughed again and then seemed to sober a bit, as if some realization had just hit. "Yeah, but I haven't seen you flirt with anyone, including me, quite as much as you have with the Doctor. I dunno, maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe it's just cuz you know you can get a rise out of him." She paused, looking into his face. "Or maybe you're just in love with him."

She had her answer as the figure beside her suddenly went still with tension.

"It's very hard not to be," she continued. "God knows I am. I imagine we're just the latest in a long line of hearts willing to be broken."

"You don't think you could make him come around?" Rose knew Jack wasn't as selfish as he pretended to be, especially since he didn't mention his own chances. "You'd have to be from one of the sensory deprivation planets out around the Reqvik Belt to not tell he cares about you."

Rose stared at the column at the center of the console room. "You know, he told me I was beautiful once, when I was dressed for 1869 Cardiff. 'Considering' I'm human. … I think he's been lonely too long. I suspect he had a wife, maybe a family, before the Time Lords were destroyed. I think his capacity to love died with his people. I don't think he _can_ love anyone. Besides, you know he would outlive anyone. If he went and got attached to either of us, it would be knowing that some numbers of years from now, he'd be alone again. I haven't asked, but I know he's had companions before me.

"I think he's so alone, alone of his race and his age, that he can't imagine letting anyone in enough. Sure, he's let me in past a few barriers, but now and then I poke around and suddenly come up hard against a brick wall. I try to bring him out…but I think he is still too scarred, too angry."

Jack leaned his head back and tilted it so he was looking at her. "You've certainly put a lot of thought into this." His tone was light, but Rose could see the sad look in his eyes. The same look, coincidentally, that he was seeing in hers.

"Do you know what it means to love the Doctor? It certainly isn't easy. It means that he comes up with some hare-brained scheme that can't possibly work but you jump into it with him, standing on trust alone. It means that when he has to choose between saving you and saving the universe, you don't dare let him choose you." She leaned her head against Jack's shoulder and said in a small voice, "And he's always too bloody dense to understand why."

Jack put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close, and leaned his head against hers. "I think he could love. He obviously cares about you, is proud when you do something right, and would consider letting planets burn to protect you."

Maybe, Rose thought. Maybe it was something more than the potential guilt that earned her that look in his eyes, that one she saw for the first time in 10 Downing Street. 'Then what are you waiting for?' 'I could save the world but lose you.'

They sat in silence for a little while longer.

"What about sex? Two hearts or one (and believe me, I've seen stranger than that) a guy has needs."

Rose giggled as she sat up, dislodging his arm's position from being around her. "And you'll be there for them? I doubt the Doctor does 'lust', especially for one of us 'stupid apes'. Not everyone is as flexible as 51st century humans."

This earned her a rakish smile from the handsome man next to her. "Lust, love or nothing, fun is fun. Maybe I'll ask him," he declared in a lofty tone.

"Ask who what?" And just like that, the Doctor was standing in the doorway again, shaking snow off of that black coat of his.

Jack boldly said, "I was going to ask if we are getting any time to sightsee. You know, places to go, things to do, cultures to meet…"

Pretending outrage, the Doctor demanded, "Honestly, _Captain_, is sex really all you think about? Remind me to stop letting Rose bring home strays."

"Oh but don't worry, Doc, I've been saving myself for you." He laughed and the Doctor chuckled and Rose allowed herself a small smile. She couldn't really join in the merriment as she listened to that little voice nagging in the back of her head. Jack wouldn't have realized quite how close to the truth he was. As she and Mickey could attest to, you always end up saving yourself for him. It doesn't matter if you know he will never return the feelings, but just being able to travel the stars and love him is enough.


End file.
